I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
