If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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