I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
