That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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