she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
