So drunk its hurt
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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