I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
