I CAN MOONWALK!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
