Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
