I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
