You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
