it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize