saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I lost the right to judge tonight
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
