Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
