I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
