I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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