did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
