So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
