don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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