dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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