my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
