a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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