guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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