mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
