the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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