dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
