it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
