I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
