It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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