just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
