I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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