U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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