just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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