This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
