Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
