Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
