so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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