mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just found puke in my bra..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
