oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
