A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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