i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
