So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
