Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
