just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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