I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
