Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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