You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
