hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i will never coherently bang her
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
