Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
