Sponge bath it is.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
