3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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