Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
