I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
