Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize