After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
