he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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