my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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