Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
