dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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