Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
