I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
