her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
