Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
