WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
