I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
