she woke up with a sticky ear
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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