I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
