is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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