broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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