i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
