She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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