oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Boobs speak an international language.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
