Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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