I must be too annoying 4 u.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will be naked everywhere
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
