dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
