Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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