I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
