i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
