i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
