She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
