she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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