It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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