i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
