She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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