a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
