Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
