I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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