good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
And then he peed in my hair
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