Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
