Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
