she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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