We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
