she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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