Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
